what a piggish world it is//*

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 * (75) sweet sixteen...

How often in your lifetime does your birthdate on the chinese Lunar Calendar coincide with the one on the western Gregorian Calendar?

31 January 1990 = 3rd Day of CNY
31 January 2006 = 3rd Day of CNY
Happy 16th Birthday, Emily!

the pig oinked at 4:48 PM

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Friday, January 27, 2006 * (74) count your blessings...

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings...
Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible...
Thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising...
Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burnt, tempers are short, and my children are so loud...
Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced...
Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous...
Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest...
Thank you, Lord, for life.

the pig oinked at 1:38 PM

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006 * (73) help...

I've been procrastinating...
I'm not ready for the Lunar New Year...
I 'm falling really way behind in my other tasks...
I'll end up with the shit-hole I wrote about in Post 30...
Yet I'm still sitting in front of the screen, blogging away...
Yet I had the time to answer this colour quiz Emily sent me??

You're GREEN, the colour of growth and vigour. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth colour in the spectrum - reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your colour!

the pig oinked at 12:38 AM

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006 * (72) fathers then & now...

Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today but they did have a few advantages:

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must know how to breathe and make sure film is in the video camera.

In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes even if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from school long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the DVD.

In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.

In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4am, shouting: "Wake up, it's time for my swim practice."

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the dinner table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: "Ah Boy's at soccer, Ah Girl's at ballet, I'm at salsa, dinner's in the microwave."

In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE..."

In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams: "I wanted XBox 360!"

In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.
Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald's.

In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.
Today, a father's involved only if he coaches soccer and is an active PTA member.

In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."

In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters' suitors with shotguns if the girl came home late.
Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So... how long have you had that earring?"

In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.
In 2006, fathers are never truly appreciated.

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST...
In 1900, kids tell mum they are dating and let mum tell dad about it.
In 2006, kids tell mum they are dating and let mum tell dad about it.

Poor things, dads are always the last to know anything!

the pig oinked at 12:38 PM

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Sunday, January 22, 2006 * (71) mothers know best...

A mother's advice to her daughters, nieces or any interested single female...

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal......

Ok, you can ignore Nos 2-15, but do heed Advice No 1!

Laogong and I do not profess to be a perfect couple nor are we marriage counsellors but we'd tried our best to help a couple who are having marital problems. All I can say is that THAT HUSBAND IS FIRST-CLASS JERK! He was an ass**** before marriage and is still one!

So girls, choose your future mates with the greatest of care. If your courtship or relationship is fraught with frequent quarrels, fights and tears, give it up immediately. If you are always squabbling, chances are life after the wedding will be just as tumultuous!

A piece of advice for the lovey-doveys (guys & gals):
Love does not consist in gazing at each other BUT...
in looking outward together in the same direction!

the pig oinked at 4:32 AM

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Friday, January 13, 2006 * (70) prime ribs...

After Post 69, I think I'm now obsessed with Adam's rib...

Ah Boy was at his first Sunday School class.

There, they were teaching the children about how God created everything, including human beings.

Ah Boy seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later that week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he was ill.

His worried mum asked: 'Ah Boy, what is the matter?'

Ah Boy said: 'I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'

the pig oinked at 5:25 AM

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Saturday, January 07, 2006 * (69) why women nag...

Read Post 68 first.
I finally found out why...
It's not a woman's fault afterall....

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said, "I don't have anyone to talk to."

God said, "I will give you a companion and it will be a woman." He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make, she will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

"She will not nag," God continued, "and will always be the first to admit she was wrong. When you've had a disagreement, she will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg!"

Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

AND THE REST IS HISTORY!

the pig oinked at 1:28 PM

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Thursday, January 05, 2006 * (68) pissed...

I say it once...... No Action!
I say it twice...... No Movement!
I say it thrice...... No Anything!
I say it the umpteen time... Still Nothing Stirs!

Wikipedia says:
NAG - to annoy by constantly scolding, complaining, finding fault or urging
NAGGER - someone (usually a woman) who annoys people by constantly finding fault OR a horse, especially an old or overworked horse (ok, I'm old. I'm overworked. BUT I'm not a horse)

Tell me, who likes to repeat her requests or instructions?
Surely one can't fault the nagger for being super-pissed with the naggee!

But I do not NAG...
I am just VERBALLY REPETITIVE!

the pig oinked at 2:52 PM

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Wednesday, January 04, 2006 * (67) today...

Today is my first post for Year 2006...
During my health-check last week, I was told that my BMI is just a tad over by 0.1 which translates to an excess of 500g. But I should lose a lot more than that as my ideal weight is 50000g (premarital status)! Aiyah, the spirit is always willing but the flesh is so weak. Damm... what to do? Four hungry (greedy?) teenagers constantly asking for suppers! Never ever stay near Newton Circus & Adam Rd Food Centres! Thank goodness, the hols aka late nights are over!

Today is my first cover-up for Year 2006...
I just had a colour job to camouflage my white hair! Sigh... how many more cover-ups for the rest of the year? Maybe I should psycho one of my kids into taking up hairdressing? Afterall, Jean Yip and David Gan are making pots!

Today is the first day of the school year...
Em & Jon are back in school! I wonder if there'll be notices they would forget to show me (again)? I wonder if there'll be worksheets tucked away, forgotten, at the bottom of their schoolbags? I wonder if they'll cut down their computer time, drastically??

Today is the first day of work for Ben...
Whoaaaa... he who dislikes mandarin has found a vacation job in some chinese pharmaceutical company at Sime Darby Centre!

And will today be the day Judith finds another vacation job, other than the part-time cosplay one and tuition one? Muahahahaha! I think she should have just stayed back and be a fruit-picker. I know what she'll tell me... 'I'm allergic to the sun!'

the pig oinked at 6:38 AM

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